


Climax

by iNappy



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Angst, Depression, M/M, References to Suicide, Self Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-30
Updated: 2012-05-30
Packaged: 2017-11-06 07:30:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/416295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iNappy/pseuds/iNappy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I love you Steve Rogers, and I will always love you. But I can't see you suffer because of me.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Climax

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING:
> 
> If you are uncomfortable with suicide, do NOT read this! This is STRICTLY about suicide. So if this is a trigger, please please please don't read. I suggest reading my fluffy fic because it's fluffy. This isn't. This isn't happy all the way through.
> 
> Now that thats done...
> 
> Inspired by [This](http://catching-everlark.tumblr.com/post/23796482033) and Title from [This](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNTyfVh3nmU). Both of these things helped make this ficlet come to be. The song with the gifset almost made me cry.
> 
> First angst fic, hopefully it's enjoyable.

Tony finished the glass before him, the amber liquid burning down his throat. It was a burn he was used to; a welcome burn. But there was a problem at the bottom of his glass. Normally it would be that the glass was empty, but today it was in the form of sad blue eyes. It was the sad face of Steve. Tony refilled his glass and turned his stoic face towards Steve. 

 

"Tony, put the bottle down."

 

Tony didn't listen; he finished yet another glass, eyes focused on the window in the room and not his lover of the past months. 

 

"Please... for once in your life let someone in."

 

Tony felt his emotions swirl up inside him but he remained impassive. He didn't want to hear this, least of all not from Steve. He's heard it from Jarvis, Pepper, and from Rhodey. He didn't want to go down this road with Steve. Mr. Perfect Boyfriend. The man that Tony has grown to love so much that the very thought of Steve being upset with him hurt physically. 

 

But that's all he seemed to do wasn't it? To hurt people he loved. To make everyone around him suffer and watch himself crash and burn. It seem like that was his lot in life. Fuck up, fuck up the people around you, and watch them one by one turn away for good. Tony poured yet another glass, the tears welling up in his eyes. He wouldn't acknowledge them; he just wanted everything to go away. The pain nagging at his heart; the wonderful man trying to help him.

 

But he was beyond help wasn't he? He was too far gone. He knew it. He _knew_ it. He stifled a soft sob with a mouthful of scotch. "You're not alone anymore, let me help." Steve pleaded. Tony took one look at Steve and his heart broke. Here was a strong, brave man; reduced to tears because of him. He made Captain America break down and cry before him. He made the greatest super hero ever, cry, beg and plead.

 

All because of his vices.

 

He poured another glass, wavering for a beat before knocking it back and welcoming the burn. "I'm far too gone for help Cap." he said softly. "I'll keep doing this you know. I'll keep hurting you over and over again and I'll be the man to bring down Captain America. Not the villain of the week but me. Tony fucking Stark." his words were slurred but he didn't care. The point was made. Tony Stark shouldn't be dating the words first Superhero, such a great man. A man that Tony didn’t deserve.

 

Steve sat dumbfounded for a moment before he slowly stood up, and walked out. Leaving Tony alone with his bottle. Once the door shut Tony finally welcomed the tears. He covered his mouth to silence the sobs. He muffled his grief from the world. It was better this way. Steve deserved someone who didn't hurt him. Someone stable. And that's something Tony's wasn't; Stable. Pushing the glass away he took out a pen and paper. Sniffling a few times, he started to write. 

 

He finished minutes later and scanned over the words. Once satisfied he pulled out a knife he always kept with him, and brought it to his wrist. It wasn't the worst pain he's ever had; it was almost soothing and calming. He didn't have to deal with this pain anymore. He didn't have to disappoint Steve, or the team or himself. He felt the tug of darkness and gladly welcomed the rest. He was so tired… so tired...

 

_Dear Steve,_

_You are a wonderful man and I don't deserve you. I don't deserve the ground you walk on, least of all your love. I was right you know. I will hurt you more times than you can count. It'll happen over and over again and I can't have that for you. You deserve something better; someone better. And that's not me. That's never been me. So I'm sorry that I put you through this hell. This emotional roller coaster for the past 8 months. I hope you can forgive me for what I've done, and what I'm doing now. Know that it's not your fault. It's mine. It’s always been mine. I love you Steve Rogers, and I will always love you. But I can't see you suffer because of me._

_  
_

_Tony_

 

\---

"So wait… that's how you knew you wanted to be with Dad? When you tried to kill yourself?" Peter asked shocked. Tony paced around his room. This wasn't a story most would tell their adoptive-superhero-son, but Peter asked, and Tony wasn't going to lie to him. "More or less." Tony answered with a laugh.


End file.
